reminiscence

i woke up this morning thinking about a certain 'you' and thinking about the times we had tgt n y we din wk out. i nv reali knew the reason, n i guess i nv reali told u how i felt for the few mths tt we were tgt too. perhaps it was mostly my fault for not voicing my views and feelings...things like : i din like keeping things in e dark, i dun like snoopin around to meet each other n coming up w/ reasons y we were seen tgt when we were seen tgt, n keep claiming tt we were juz frens when we were more than tt. in the ~7 mths tt we were tgt, i nv met ur family, nor did u reali tok abt them either...i dunno y but i guess it was my fault for not tellin u tt i liked an open rship which i have nth to hide, n a rship which involved family, which was y i alwayz invited ya to join us at my family events. at the beginning i wanted to make it official which you din wan, n aft a few mths i juz got kinda sick with whole thing that when it was ur turn to want to make it official, i din wan. i juz got tired with the whole tuo tuo la la feeling, like neither here nor there. i had alot of feelings bottled up in me tt i din tell anyone, not even my mum...n i juz kinda felt relieved when it ended. till this day i still feel that there are alot of things inside me, a lot of feelings tt i dunno how to describe in words, alot of feelings tt i also do not know it's origins, indescribable feelings...anyway, to all the hurt which i may have caused, i'm sorry. at least i know now that u're happy n i'm happy for u.

inconsistency and biasness

being in charge requires u to be fair and unbias and to also fight for the pple under u, however i feel there is smtg lacking in u. a recent sign up where nothing has been confirmed yet, u din let me change my slots. i felt it was a little inflexible as the list has not been confirmed yet. yes i know that u do not have enough pple, but cant u put me at the bottom, where if enough pple, i dun wk, if not enough then fair enough i work la. but no, u juz said no without offering an alternative watsoever, in a tone n a body language tt i juz din feel like discussin it anymore. besides tt, u even told me that a particular slot which i wanted has been filled. hmmm funny thing is that u offered the same slot which u have told me is full to your fren who happened to tell me. interesting eh, i never knew u could keep slots for your frens. well missy, u never know who mite tell who things behind your back, so you beta work in a proper manner whereby u r fair.

kinda disappointed in the way you wk, never expected it to be like this. well, sorry madm, u juz made me lose my respect for ya.

ramblings...

very very overdue...but Germany was great!!! ahha we went to Austria n Luxembourg too! n even went up to the Alps! haha who would have tot that we would see snow in summer?! hehe n it was my 1st time seeing snow n it was beautiful! =) hectic schedule and many eyeopeners...love the trip! now busy doing the posters and ppt for the symposium...busy busy busy...busy looking for jobs and gg for interviews! hope i get smtg tt i like...

last wk, dear dear brot me to west coast park! ahha we played all e slides n climbed the web n all...n he tortured me into walkin all e way to pandan reservoir! is tt wat's it's called?! haha aniwae, it was opposite his old rv compound, n we watched e sunset from there...a very beautiful sight...v romantic...i love it! thnx dear =)

after many many tiring days, after e end, a grp of us went fong seng to eat...it was fun! the jnrs this yr r great! ahha was able to get close to a grp of them, they're funny! haha v mischievious and crazy...hehe probably my playful n crazy side made me closer to them...hehhe

well square hat dae was good...took a lot of photos w/ my chem labmates n eurip mates n some pple fm hall came down to take w/ me...haha love dad n mum so much! kor tried to call me in e nite to congratulate me but i missed his call cos i was so tired i fell aslp... =( but at least i noe he called...miss him so much...wished he was here...gonna booked e family photo taking in e studio all next year then we can do it tgt when he graduates! =)

having a europe grp gathering next wk and silly xiao ke ai is trying to instigate everyone to throw me into the pool at e bbq! evil! ahha i shall try to divert all attention on her instead...afterall, she's smaller n thus easier to toss into the pool...hehe *evil grin* thnx to her plannin it thou, cos everyone's so busy now...hehe thnx xiao ke ai, even thou u got arrowed by the boss during the beer drinking session in rostock...muahaha

a fren's gg throu some rough patch in her rship w/ another fren of mine...so i'm kinda stuck in btwn...toked to her for more than 1/2 hr on e phone, dun reali know how to help...i see e rship gg downwards, reminding me of last time w/ zm...but i hope that everythin will work out for them...hopefully she has a gd tok to him tmr when he's back in spore...all e best dear!

freedom!!

sigh...bored...finished exams real early this time...finished on 30 april, good n bad in a way, bad cos all papers ones aft e other..was v stressful, gd cos end early can play, bad cos no one to play w/...everyone still mugging, gd cos got time to pack rm out n get ready to shift out...haha so many things to do..gotta start looking out for job too! hehe kinda excited in starting wk n kinda scared cant get job too...so many pple now looking for jobs too...jia you jia you! =)

oh ya...seems i'm not gg to US after all, cos having comeone staying over at my hse so cant go abroad n leave tt person here, mum ask me to go w/ dad then she look aft hse, dad dun wanna leave her here alone, she ask me go w/ frens, but all so bz n all sae ex...so kor, guess i'll go over in dec to find u then..sorry! hmmm think i gotta start plannin to meet my grp members for the europe trip...gotta start preparing for the presentations that we gonna make here in spore n over there in europe as well...many things to do! sigh...hopefully being grp leader for this trip beta than e ucla trip! hopefully dun need to be alarm clock cos i think i need 1 myself! haha =p

updates...

bangkok trip during Dec was fun! the wedding was very nice, the bride very pretty, and quite cool to experience a wedding in another culture... bot alot of clothes in Thailand, ahha so many till my mum made noise, she on the other hand bot alot of shoes! hehhe went there w/ like 2 pairs and came back with like 8!!! hahah

jan and feb was quite hectic with all the inter hall games but all my games finished by cny so i was able to enjoy a long weekend with no more trainings... cny was good, bro wasnt ard this time to enjoy but dear came visiting w/ us and likewise i went his hse too...

my bdae was quite fun too, met e usual grp of pple, odac and ij gals, celebrated in hall and with family oso...went to goodwood park hotel for high tea with parents and dear, too bad kor not around, think he wd have enjoyed it very much... kor sent back a coach bag for my bdae present! my 1st coach bag for work next time! =) mum oso bot me a tiffany bracelet, one tt i have alwayz wanted! hehe went to jack's place to eat escargots with dear too! yummy! bdae this yr was memorable cos did alot of things that din do...reali thnx to all who made it memorable =)

signed up for the europe immersion and went for interview and i got it!!! woohoo! so happy! so now after exams, gg to US to find kor in may then in june gg europe for nearly a whole mth! ahha so fun! and then aft that gotta go wk...boo...but kinda looking forward to learning and experiencing new things! looking out for jobs now, haven reali signed up thou...hehe

went to toni's 21st on sunday, her hse next to bukit timah nature reserve and there was so mnai monkeys! haha we had to keep an eye on the food! ehhe went early so went to climb the hill w/ some hall pple, fun and tiring at e same time...my 1st time climbin bukit timah hill! dear say i very swaku...haha but it was nice....dear knew the place liek the back of his hand cos he use to work there, interesting job eh...ehhe

dec updates

it's been a while since i last updated...ended exams on the 4th, went to JB on the 5th with hall pple...abt 10 of us, of which 3 of them are msians but end up zj knew the way ard much beta than them..hehhe

was very fun, we watch a movie for RM6, then sing ktv for RM15 and did some shopping...jon ho was the only one that bot thou, he shops like my bro! haha hard to find guys who likes shopping, he was trying on clothes n i was giving him opinions, quite fun! haha it's fun gg abroad w/ dear too! so far this is the 2nd time le, 1st was kukup...end of this yr gg thailand tgt too! cant wait!! =)

been working everyday at T...very tired...long hours and everyday...sigh..i need a break! hsewarming is tmr (or rather later today), hope everythin goes well! juz unpacked aft shifting for like 3 mths...actually din fully unpack but gonna stuff all unpacked things into cupboard so tt guests wun see the mess! hehe will clear up aft hsewarming's over! i promise! =p

dear injured his toe on fri, smashed it against wall...how silly...hhaha...aniwae, it's fractured and now he cant realli walk a lot..sigh...he'll miss hsewarming tmr....sadx...get well soon! =)

Who Am I

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind

Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
And you told me who I am
I am yours.

by Casting Crowns...